


terrible, terrible, terrible

by thorupmoa



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Cutting, F/F, Guilt, Hair cut, Kin vent, Post-New Dangan Ronpa V3, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, chubby tsumugi shirogane, lower case, this is just a vent tbh, virtual reality au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-08 12:43:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16429649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorupmoa/pseuds/thorupmoa
Summary: she remembered the looks they gave her, and they felt like knives prickling her pale skin





	terrible, terrible, terrible

**Author's Note:**

> don’t read this if you’re sensitive to self harm!! this contains graphic descriptions of sh and a lot of suicidal thoughts

it was her second day after waking up from the simulation, and after putting on a random hoodie and some pants tsumugi went out of her room.

 

that was one of the perks, she guesses, that she could have some privacy. tsumugi just wanted to be apart of her favorite show. she knew that every series needed a villain, and those always became popular, so why not become one? 

 

but right now, tsumugi was feeling extremely guilty. she had intentionally hurt people she cared about, and actually had killed rantaro, and framed it on kaede, whom she most likely had feelings for.

 

for the entire day when the woke up, tsumugi just felt empty. she barely said anything, and the producers and hospital staff (who were kinda required to take care of the awoken members of the killing game) did the same. 

 

she he wasn’t hungry, so tsumugi went to their shared living room, where there was a couch, a tv, some tables, and some shelves with paper, pens, and other hobby items. however, when she came there, someone was already in the room, leisurely watching some random news channel. it was rantaro.

 

tsumugi’s eyes widened as she saw him, and guilt flooded her heart. as he heard someone enter the room, rantaro looked at her, his mouth slightly open as to say something, but nothing came out. tsumugi couldn’t quite read his expression, but that didn’t really matter. 

 

“hello, shirogane-san.” rantaro said, and tsumugi could only stare at her feet.

 

”sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you, amami-kun, I was just planning on drawing a little in my room...” she could barely muster up any emotion in her voice, and before he could respond, she grabbed some clean papers, some pencils, an eraser, a sharpener and fled the room.

 

as she ran to her room, hugging the drawing supplies to her stomach, she barely noticed the tears forming in her eyes. goddamnit, what was she even doing? she ruined these people’s lives, and yet she was still here, reminding them and forcing someone terrible in their faces? 

 

dear god, why was she even alive? if she had only listened to her younger self and had given up, these people would probably be happier! they wouldn’t have had to go through the trauma of dying or killing someone. 

 

tears filled led her eyes, and as her glasses became foggy, it was harder to see. tsumugi slammed the door to her room shut, put all the drawing supplies on her desk, and grabbed a pair of scissors and the eraser. she wouldn’t admit it to someone easily, but this wasn’t her first time doing this.

 

tsumugi threw her hoodie off in a random corner in the room, and went into the bathroom. luckily, team danganronpa gave her a larger mirror. 

 

as it was the first time basically looking through a mirror after coming out from the simulation, she took a good look at herself. her chub still stood out largely, and the scars on her arms were faded. her very long hair was messy, and her eyes were slightly puffy from her crying. the length of her hair was honestly annoying her.

 

tsumugi took a sniffy breath, grabbed a pair of scissors from the drawing supplies she took, and slowly but surely snipped off her hair so it was shoulder length. it took some time, as her hair was very long and thick, and it turned out pretty uneven in the end, but tsumugi didn’t care. 

 

then she just sat there. she kept thinking about what a horrible person she was and how much she hated herself. tsumugi didn’t even know how much time passed. after a while (15 minutes, half an hour?) she grabbed one of the sharpeners from the box, and started peeling off the screw with the edge of the sink. 

 

after the sharp blade popped off, she just held it in her palm, and stared at it. 

 

one slice. it wasn’t so deep, but a little blood still came. 

 

another one, a little deeper. it still isn’t enough. she deserves more pain.

 

it was like tsumugi couldn’t stop. she kept on slicing up her arm, and it stung, and she couldn’t help but smile. this was good.

 

she even did some across the others, and they hurt more. tsumugi started crying again. even through her tears, the bitterly smiled, and reached up with her uninured arm to wipe away her tears.

 

she laid she small blade down on the floor in front of her and grabbed a paper towel. tsumugi’s vision was getting hazy due to her glasses fogging up, so she quickly wiped them clean. 

 

her entire forearm was covered in mostly small cuts, but some were larger. blood was all over, and it was oddly relaxing to see herself bleeding. she turned her arm over, grabbed the slightly blood-stained blade from the floor, and continued where she left off.

 

it felt like she was going through a haze, that she basically wasn’t awake through what she was doing. one particular cut was deeper than the rest, and tsumugi hissed out in pain, and pressed her hand on the wound in reflex. 

 

after about two seconds, she released her arm and just looked at her blood-stained hand. the blood on her forearm was staring to dry.

 

she had eventually, even though it took a while, covered both her arms in bleeding cuts. although her left arm, which she started with, had mostly dried. 

 

shakily, tsumugi stood up, and simply just stared in the mirror with self-hatred. 

 

 


End file.
